Love...Kuwaiti Style....
I never thought the day would come that I'd admit that I'm scared of Kuwaiti men...there...I've said it...I'm afraid of them...though many a day...I would dress up and go out hoping to meet a nice goodlooking, intelligent man...I know that deep down it won't happen because I'm subconsciously making it not happen due to my fear...and if it does happen...a conversation or two..I'll find myself giving excuses why this person would be wrong for me...Now I know it's not fair to generalize..and there are some nice guys out there...but still...I'm afraid of them...
Sometimes it's the terms of endearment that they use that scares me...maybe if you're so in love..it may sound cute...but in reality....does A7ibich ya 7emara really turn you on? Or...9ayra 7ilwa wiya wayhich....or....a7acheech..tarra ana abeeech....they all sound pretty aggressive for a romantic evening...don't you think?
Maybe I'm too romantic...but the above just doesn't do it for me...and I don't see why I should accept it as the status quo...not to mention that the aggressiveness in the speech gives me the inclination that they're into S&M's or something!!
I remember back in the days when I was studying in the States..one of my Kuwaiti male friends was dating a beautiful American model...she was gorgeous...the sad part was...she used to come to me and ask..."Why does he do this to me"...he'd given her a black eye..but she was so into him that she'd take his crap....Weirdly enough..to me....he was one of the nicest guys there..and was always polite...was he trying to fool me??...I just couldn't understand this side of him....was he secretly that sadistic...and because I was from back home...he just wouldn't show it??
Then of course there are the married women around who'd tell me...you have to accept things as they are...our society expects men to hang out at diwaniyas or even spend the weekends at the challet with the rabi3...while she's downtown on her own taking care of the kids...then what's the point of getting married...is it really about kids only?
And how come I don't see that happening with my parents...how come they socialized together all their lives with friends...is it just our generation that's gone back to its roots...or where my parents and their friends the rare ones out there in the first place?
It would be a nice idea to think that maybe I will one day find the diamond in the ruff...but the more I hear...the more scared I get...
I don't want my most romantic moment to be a7ibich ya 7emara...or him calling me from the diwaniya telling me he's late saying.."ya kalba lich wa7sha...wiya wayhich"....when did romance get so ugly anyway!!??
The thought tires me out...so I think I'll just go back to my romantic novel and dream of a Mr. Right that's so in love with me...going to the diwaniya would be the last thing on his mind...and when he says I love you...it's...a7ibich ya ba3ad 3omri...and none of this ya 7emara crap...thank you very much!
PAALEEEEEZE....life's too short to accept being called a 7emara by the love of your life....and until I miraculously get over my fear...I'm sticking to my imaginary Mr. Right till death do us part...
posted by MissCosmoKuwait @ 6:27 PM
27 Comments:
You cracked me up with the Kuwaiti romantic talk.. it’s sooo true.. I see it everyday from guys around me.. “khara 3alaich, laish ma etdegeen 3alai, ma tadreen innee olah 3alaich” I can’t believe he uses the word “Khara” with her.. hehehehehe..
I think your family is not the common family that you would find over here, but that doesn’t mean that our generation is not open to such life, to share our lives and our friends with one another, I think there are people who would wanna spend time with common friends, and the diwania is the last thing on his mind, but also you have to look at the other side of the equation.. the typical Kuwaiti girl has coped with that typical Kuwaiti guy’s life style, and are not bothered with it, it’s us that saw how relationships should be like that would get affected when we see how these people are living like that.. many Kuwaiti girls would tell you I want him to get the hell out of my face on the weekends to the shalaih, so I can have my time off of his $h!t, and spend good quality time with my girlfriends.. some of them (like my sister) is not secure enough to be with other girls around her husband, and would think that it is an opennig to big mistakes of having affairs, she gets jealous if he would talk to a girl, thinking nothing good comes out of it but problems.. she is not married, but I discuss things like that with her, and she tells me how she thinks, She can’t marry a guy like me who would have female friends in his life and of course willing to introduce them to her because nothing is going on , she wants the guy that goes to the diwania, and to the shalaih over the weekend.. it’s what she wants in a man, because this is how she grew up to know that this is what a man should be like.. and I see that in many other typical Kuwaiti girls.. these girls I am talking about would not agree with how you want to be treated by that Mr. Right, they might want romance occasionally, but still have a certain way of life that they are used to and they wanted to be this way..
Sticking with imaginary Mr. Right out of the novels would make it that much harder to see him in someone.. that imaginary Mr. Right made you raise your standards soooo high, that no one, not even none Kuwaitis would match.. careful there.. don’t try to compare the person you meet to your Mr. PERFECT.. no one is..
*PS. What I said doesn’t imply on all Kuwaiti women.. *
the don...thanks for sharing and it's wonderful news to know somwhere out there...a guy understands..a breath of fresh air I must say..you're right about the women part...I've heard them get all excited "Allah wannasa..ebyathlif 3anee we roo7 el challet! Sad really..and to think there's a single girl out there who's wishing that! It's funny that you mention that you'd introduce your female friends...I actually had a collegue who was a good friend of mind and when he got married..I was so excited to meet his wife..he's been married for two years now and I have yet to meet his wife...to add to that he turned all formal on me..I was really pissed...and to think I thought he was a good friend..made me feel like our friendship was wrong in the first place and I had no clue!!!!
As for sticking with my imaginary Mr. Right...don't worry...I didn't create him perfect...he just doesn't go to diwaniyas..loves to spend time with me and doesn't call me with words like 7emara...now realisticly I don't think that's too much to ask for...right?...(of course it would be great if he's also intellegint and good looking tooo...:)..
LOL.. you are a funny gal.. :))
He’s out there alright, but maybe sitting in his room watching DVDs, and not wanting to get out and interacting with the public on the street.. maybe he's living in his own bubble, like you living in your Novels.. :)
The don...A bubble and a novel...how the two shall meet? Sounds like a good title for a romantic novel...the good news is if he's into DVD's...I like him already!
i thought u were kidding all along, until i read what u had to say back at the don's comments
personally i cant relate with most things u mentioned in ur post, shalaih in weekends? calling a girl ya e7mara as if im sweet-talking her? dowaween till the early hrs? and that 'this is what society expects from me'?
no offense to anyone, but what kind of life is that? naheech 3an ena ur talking about a couple mostly and not the single life
Name calling can be romantic sometimes but not always :P
And you can make his sign a contract, every time he calls you a name, he has do whatever you ask him to do! :D
Of course flowers, candies, surprise dinners outside, late night cruises around the city just the two in the car with music ( I did that but I was with my father and brother but I imagined that I was with my wife :P) and the ultimate fresh kiss in the morning before going to work with a flying whisper, all that is great ;)
And of course in my case, two lines of poetry dedicated to her every week will be good too :P
And your prefrence of men is already there. Many are like that but they are the unnoticeables! Even if you notice them, you will never think of them as someone you will fall in love with but more of a good friend who you will like to complain to about your boyfriend or finance or even husband!
Hi MissCosmo,
First time here :)
Never settle for anything less than your Mr. Right.
Tara they do exist.
loool Actually reading "a7ibich ya 7mara" did sort of turn me on lol but I get ur point ;) and I do agree and no not all ppl are like that.. my folks've been socializing with thier friends together all my life so don't worry ur pretty little head too much u'll find ur dimond in the ruff ;)
This is dedicated to u:
http://www.peach77.blogspot.com/2005/02/letter-to-mr-right.html
Yeah a7abich ya 7maara can work when the two are pillow fighting ;)
I know I know! I swear I know!
I have to quote my cousin, Kuwaities do not know how express their feelings so they have to make it sound anything other than what they feel.
I agree with her, they have this thing of regretting being nice or something, ya3ni if he was sweet for a while you should prepare youself for a sudden moodswing!
my cousin's husband is the sweetest when he's about to do something he knows his wife wouldn't approuve of hehe
they are so moody efff, bs bs am getting upset while writing this hehe I'll stop :P
oh and by the way Don, congrats you broke a new record :P longest comment ever hehe..
Simple......
Just reply:
3umree inta sayer etyannin walla el 7areem, amoot feek yal thoor!
:P
LOL! I love the way you included examples of the aggressive romance going on here words like "7mara" and "khara". Hilarious really.
But you're right... I can't see how thats romance. I mean, I'm not expecting some hero from some romantic novel, but a girl has to have SOME standard. Associating me with a donkey and shit when we just started out does NOT seem appealing to me.
Good topic to bring forward! ;)
Rude romantic talk is being used increasingly by both men and women; some men find it sexy.
It is sexy only if kept to a minimum and used in the right situation. No to overuse.
No to being called names by anyone. It is just not respectful or good manners.
dear in every thing there is the good and there is the bad... so dont worry about such guys, well i hear they are alot in this country bs i dont believe them because my whole entire family ma feha wa7ed talks that way or react that way with his wife or lover.
do mithil ma feeh il sheen fee il zeen u just take care of ur self and when the right guy comes along god will make you notice it (srendipity sugar :) ) this is what i think you should believe in.
yyy! lo0l don't worry babe! i am sure theres a cute, romantic, sweet talking guy out there for u.. lo0l not all kuwaitis are that bad.. besides the kuwaitis that are like that are "HAYLAG".. hehe ;) don't generalize.. don't worry, i'm positive u'll find Mr.Right someday!
ok i have alot to say
listen girl
well see those men in the first place they didnt use those bad words or behave that way fron no were ... all this happened to them because their wifes just ignored them and didnt stop them ...7abebty you get the respect you need by the way to present ur self to this guy ,, ya3ny if he ever told u ya bint il nas (which is a little masaba) u should let him know ina he did something wronge and he should appologize...ya3ny mo etsam7ena with excuses he made...this is how relationships work ..from the very fist momnet you let your man know how to treat you mo teth7ekeen 3aleeh and then u get pissed.
Another thing there are lots of girls want their husbands to be away with friends and think that this way they will keep them away from women but i think they are wronge because those men gathering who knows whats going on over there and what men tell each other.
so simply you want a guy who doesnt go to dewaniya so be realistic can you not see ur friends or family gathering all year long! so you can manage with your man to go once a week or twice a month ya3ny its good to refresh your life together with new ideas...
another thing; adree geragt bs wallah i know how u are feeling; when a man loves a women he would change the whole entire wolrd just to make her happy ,,so dont fake ur feelings with ur man if he did something u didnt like you can let him know in a polite way that he would change his way and u 2 be hapy .
and the same thing applies to u.
and remember (il mara madresa) i know if any guy read this ebyekrohony ...so girl i can e-mail u with every single thing u want to discuss because im a chicken to talk out loud abt what i have in mind.
u take care and believe me when the time is right u will find him and believe that he is looking for u too..destiny my dear this is what it is.
Another thing remember u should be patient with ur man and if he loves u .. you too can go alonge and he can learn from u how to be romantic...
and abt ur commnets with don i want to tell u that maybe one day you will meet that guy who is in love with DVD's when u r trying to find one in a shop so be patien in that too : )
i feel for ya... u need to read my blog entry:
Big Curls Dont Cry
Spon.. hehehehe. I used to make fun of Ms. Baker for leaving long comments.. I don’t know why I started doing it.. karma??
But Judy Abbott here took over the lead, but she was smart enough to cut her long @$$ reply to few ones instead of one long comment.. bus mo 3alaina noonioo.. :P
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Greetings from Ireland!
Just came across your blog, very funny and observant. you know your famous now dontcha?
hehehe don 9edtny ;)
i dont think its a question of culture(kuwaiti men).im sure a lot of these cases are common amongst men of various nationalities.its just an inkling manifestation of the kind of direction new generations are adopting.your parents come from the good ol days where values and principles meant so much and is no comparison to the relationships u see nowadays.
Welcome..Ireland!! Nice to have you around
Mante....Apologieeeza...no espaniolaaa..Senior...graciaus!..:)
Mark..welcome and thanks for the input...I guess you're right!
Dear MissCosmo,
I came across this post while shifting through safat. I have alot of things to say about this...but I rather let someone who I greatly admire respond:
Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent), it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him and calls him to vast distances.
This is an excerpt from Letters to a Young poet by Rainer Maria Rilke. I agree with him wholeheartedly...I think sometimes people are just too immature... don't let stories about such immature people sway you.
Truly,
Misguided
Mmmm interesting post. You know I had always thought that getting into a relationship should be something similar to what we see in romantic movies. I have always wondered, does such thing really happen? I think if it does, people would not go to see such movies anymore. Hollywood is selling the manifestation of romance in movies. The point is that no matter how you see it, its a worldwide issue, not just in Kuwait. I have seen alot of swinging activity amongst westerners and the likes back in high school and college. I never understood how can people do that! Be emotionally detached from the person, like a living zombie. Doing this trial and error thing until it works, supposedly. Its like the musical chairs game basically. Unfortunately, this is beggining to happen here in Kuwait. People are becoming emotionally detached and the concept of true romance is extremely rare. We enter a new age and chivalry and romance is sadly thrown away.
a lot has been said regarding your post, I just want to reassure you that not all married couples live separate lives, things have changed now. Most women now don't accept the husband ditching them on the weekend or staying late at diwaniyas every night of the week, you see husbands more involved now with their wives and family.... out and about compared to a decade ago.
Dont give up there are some really nice guys out there one day you'll find him.
About the vulgar talk...again not all men..dependson their upringing and ifyou dontlike it you can stop them.
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