Love Actually...
Inspired by various posts on various blogs..I decided to attempt at tackling the one subject that affects all types of life...the old, the young, the strong, the weak...there is no escape...it is always there lurking in the distance..waiting to strike...yes...Let's talk about love...
In my attempt to understand this so great a subject..I've read enough books to start a library...the latest book I'd read was recommended to me by a source who said I needed to read it..it took forever to find the book but low and behold..it was now in my hands...the book was simply called "How to Love and Be Loved" written by a Dr. Paul Hauk...his analysis in the book was that we basically fall in love with the criteria that we set out for ourselves...i.e. if a woman needed money..she fell in love with a rich man..if a man needed physical satisfaction..he fell in love with a Marlyn Monroe type...in other words...we plan love rather than it suddenly happening...any other type of love was called Love Disorder...when one falls with the wrong type and suffers..that..to him...is not love..
Half way through the book...coincidently...Oprah had a show about love..she brought in an expert that was "the best expert on this subject"..his book was "Keeping the Love you Find" his name...Dr. Harville Hendrix...it was an old episode..I had already read the book and recalled his analysis...it was completely the opposite of Dr. Hauk!...He saw love as being theraputical if done properly....i.e. As a child..if you were critisized...you most likely will fall in love with someone who critisizes you...your subconcious will create the attraction between you so that you can heal past tramas...another example was...if a child was very introverted..he would fall in love with an extrovert...and though they would continuously fight about their different ways...they were actually meant to learn from each other...If the child had an alcoholic parent...he will fall in love with an alcoholic..if the mother was very demanding..the child would grow to fall in love with demanding woman...and the pattern continues until both people in the relationship are able to heal past wounds caused during childhood...Women in particular who suffer from low self esteem are the ones that find themselves in the worst relationships...if she was neglected as a child..she would fall in love with the aloof type..the type that would not give her the attention she had originally needed as a child..Dr. Hendrix explains that until there's a relationship were both people want to make an effort to fix themselves...while loving each other...can a healthy relationship finally arise...
Here are two completely different theories both written by Doctors who claim to be experts at the subject...both interviewed thousands and thousands of couples...and both believe they are right....
The question remains...why are we attracted to certain people and not others...is chemistry simply a message from our subconcious..do we not have a say in the matter...are we able to control who we love and who we don't?...I won't call upon Romeo and Juliet..lest I be accused of it being fictional...I will however take an example closer to home...Qais wa Laila...a reality I believe...did they chose to be in love with each other...or was it chemistry/lust?...Was his poetry for Laila..simply an exaggeration?...Was that not real love?...and if their love was doomed for whatever reasons...could they fall out of love?...Do we as humans have a choice in the matter...to fall in or out of love?
posted by MissCosmoKuwait @ 7:59 AM
15 Comments:
Neither theories apply to me.
We get attracted to certain people simply because it happens. There's is no single golden rule to it.
"a life without love is a life not worth living"
-No, I do not agree, it depends on the person. For instance, I don't think a starving African woman would be thinking about love much.....to her a life without a loaf of bread is a absolute death.
shosho...wow...deep stuff..in the case where all of life's commodoties were fulfilled...then love would be her next hope...but if we're talking about starvation...then...love of food??
it depends, love may come in a different ways and times, some clicks and some dont.
There is no rules or way it just happen.
Love as a concept is very fluid. Why we love is another issue. The two theories at hand are trying to explain why we love and not what love really is. This is because love is very personal. The way we love and the way we express love is a very personal thing. For example, today a persona that doesnt gives a damn about valentines and doesnt present gifts and flowers and all, is considered to be cold and not much in love. Is it really the case? so how come our grand parents had it differently yet felt the love. If we begin to define love in terms of meeting certain criterias then we are wrong. Love lies in the subconcious level, so it cannot be defined, you just know it is. Obvioulsy when you analyze the situation, you can know why your are comfortable with that person or why you can get along and list all of the things you have in common, but that does not mean love. Love is felt, love is attained, love is earned, and love is not cheap!
vincent...welcome...true...
equalizer...I like the "and love is not cheap!"..thought I felt you yelling that out loud....so your conclusion is it suddenly happens and if the couple express their love (through earnings)...then that is true love....so basically we don't have a say with who we love...
Since we are talking about love between a man and a woman in the normal cases, what makes those people experts and we are not?? Did they get into so many love relationships (that meant they had many failed ones) and they became experts? Or they watched too many romantic movies or read too many romantic novels?
In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love/belonging comes 3rd after Physiological needs (food, drink and air) and Safety Needs (shelter and so on) and according to him, you can't move up in the needs until the lower needs are largely met! So that answers your question about food and love!
Yes Cosmo, you don't choose you love all the time, and if you did its just a matter of luck. You have to work for love, it doesnt come to you on a silver dish :) Lust is another issue.
Love starts in the mind; although we think that we do not choose to love, but I have come to realize that this is not true, we had the person on our minds to start with and with a serious effort we can put him out. And here I’m not talking about the initial chemistry or lust; all these issues have to be present for the thought to flourish. It’s all in the mind.
In any case this is what I have come to believe, but then again, love is a vast issue and the biggest mystery in human life that have been discussed and researched through the ages without a definite definition that all might agree on.
lo0l god knows why we fall in love.. personally i'd rather fall in chocolate :P~.. i don't have a clue when it comes to love..
bs i know one thing, atleast its something i really really believe in.. it's that "all love that has no friendship for its base, is like a mansion built on sand".. u have to be friends with the person u're in love with.. cuz "love is friendship on fire"..
charisma....oohhh...I liked that!...sa7 el sanich!
ayya...welcome...yes...love is the biggest mystery..(after reading so many books..I still don't get it!) good points..thanks for your input...
equalizer...silver dish??...I thought it was silver platter??..:)
Hopeless poet...well..they consider themselves experts 'coz they studies phsychology...interviewed thousands of couples...but in both cases..they also spoke about their own experiences..
love shmuv :P you either see a person that you happen to like physically, end up knowing the person and according to their personality you know if you like them more or less.
other times you just see someone you don't really like physically and then you could probably find yourself interested in the personality.
it really has no grounds..
You cannot call what you had ended with the wrong person "love" It has to end naturally for it to be true love. By that I mean you would love someone till the day you die. That is true love. If you have problems that neccessitates ending it, then it wasnt love in the first place. I was once given an empty decorative note book, with a nice cover spelling out "LOVE". I was told to write about all the things that made me feel love. I kept it empty the whole time. When the relationship ended, I wrote at the back page something which I dont remember hehe.
Cosmo...isint a platter a kind of dish? :p
equalizer...yeah..yeay..it's a dish..bass el mathal yigool...silver platter.:)..anyway...just to refresh..you're saying that in one life time...there is only one true love...and the only way it is love is that they die of natural causes before they end the relationship?
vintage...how exciting..a thought provoking site...nicely put...thanks
Who were Qais and Laila? Im fascinated.Google was not very enlightening.was it love from a distance as in the love expressed by the poets:Dante,Petrarch and Ronsard?then I think that was just a poetic vision expressed by very inteliigent men who fancied they were in love,but in fact were just infatuated.You can of course love someone but not be IN LOVE with them.the best love is when you are infatuated with someone,in love with them,and also love them,and all those feeelings are reciprocrated.True love,of course,lasts forever.
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