Journal of A Single Gal In Q8 - Episode Sixteen

"I think you need to calm down," he said. "You still haven't heard my explanation and you're already calling me an asshole. Could you please just listen?"

She closed her eyes for a second and then took a deep breath. All that screaming had taken the last drop of her energy.

"Fine! I'm listening," she said. "Bring it on!"

When he began to speak, she realized that she still wasn't ready to hear what he had to say. She felt claustrophobic and told him bluntly "I'm sorry. I need some time for myself and when I'm ready to talk to you, I will."

He went quite and then finally said "As you wish." After an awkward silence, he said good bye. She stared into space. The journey into a world of loneliness had just begun.

It was an awful night that night, tossing and turning, trying to sleep. She'd remember the whole ordeal over and over again in her head. It was driving her crazy. When it was finally morning, she felt like she hadn't slept a wink. She'd stare at her ceiling wishing that what had happened last night was just a bad dream.

For the next two weeks, she walked around like a zombie. Often times, she'd have an out of body experience when she'd be sitting there but not really be there. She watched herself with dismay.

Though she'd asked him for time to not call her, it killed her that he hadn't called. At the same time, it killed that she'd wanted him to call. The whole situation felt confusing and she felt lost.

It was only when her sister had called her for the millionth time to check up on her and bluntly said "You're sinking" that she finally felt it was time to snap out of it. She had had enough of the crying and the moping around. It was time she gained control of her life.

She began to plan her next week and decided to give herself a week's session of massages and to start going to the gym. Her mood lifted and her taste in music had suddenly changed. She no longer wanted to hear sad sappy songs that would make her cry. She'd listen to all those songs that would cheer her up and give her strength.

It was high time she began enjoying the small pleasure in life even if her heart was bleeding.

"Madam, you have too much tension," said the massuese as she struggled to loosen yet another knot in her shoulder. She had hoped the massage was going to relax her but it was getting to be too painful everytime the massuese pressed harder. Her body had been aching so much during the past two weeks but she hadn't realized her entire body was full of knots!

"Yes, I know," she answered.

"You should see our Consultant after this session. I will check if he is free," said the massuese.

She'd always gone there for a massage but had never seen the Consultant or the "Doctor" as they called him. Maybe it would be a good idea, she just wasn't feeling too well and could use some suggestions if he had any. She'd heard that he usually recommends certain diets which might be helpful.

As she sat infront of him feeling quite shy about seeing a consultant/doctor at a spa, she noticed how friendly he was and began to relax.

He was in Indian man in his early forties and seemed very relaxed in his own skin. "There is a lot of tension in your body and it is in all places that are usually caused by nerves from an emotional experience. You are bottling in too much emotion and you need to let it out. Has something happened lately in your life that you has upset you?" he asked in a concerned tone.

She was stunned by what he said and just nodded.

"The body has the tendency to store in emotions especially if they are related to love. Can I presume that this is the case?" He asked.

She couldn't help but laugh at that moment. Was she seeing a consultant at a spa or was she seeing a psychic, she couldn't tell but she nodded.

"You're not married right?" he asked.

She nodded again.

"I have a belief," he began "maybe you will not agree with me because of traditions but marriage is a very difficult institution. It ruins very good friendships. The worst thing one can do to a friendship is to get married," he stated.

"Please don't let my mother hear you say that," she said humorously.

He laughed and was happy to see her more cheerful.

"What I am trying to say is enjoy your life. Your body shouldn't suffer like this. I want you to list all the things you enjoy doing, whether small or big and everyday look at your list and make sure that you do at least three of the things listed. Don't worry about tomorrow, just live for the here and now."

She kept thinking of his words while driving home. Regardless if it was crazy to listen to this holistic man, she couldn't help but smile. She liked what he had to say. Yes, it was crazy and from a religious point of view it was wrong not to believe in marriage but for now, she felt it was what she needed to hear that friendships were the most important thing.

Things were getting better. Sitting behind her desk in the office and having regained her strength, she put all her energy in her work. It was then that it dawned on her why some people were workaholics. It wasn't just because they loved their work or wanted more money, it was the perfect anecdote to keep the mind busy and stop it from thinking. It was running away from the bitter truth.

There were two hours to go before it was time to go home which gave her just enough time to finish off her tasks. She was getting into the habit of working after hours with the excuse that she hadn't finished her work but today she thought of leaving early to hit the gym.

Just then, there was a knock at her door. As she looked up, she realized it was him standing there looking like he'd just been hit by a bus. She blinked just to make sure that she wasn't imagining it. Within those two weeks, she must've imagined him a million times, at the traffic light, at the shopping mall, the mystery car behind her and all the time she'd realize that she'd just been imagining him.

"Can I come in?" he said.

She couldn't believe that he'd come to see her at the office! Not good, she thought to herself. He was carrying a filo fax and wearing a suit. He could've been anyone that she may have had to have a meeting with but still, she thought.

It was not the perfect place to be rude or make a scene so she put on her professional face and invited him to take a seat.

He took out some papers and handed them to her and said "these are the catalogs that you'd been asking for."

Although she had promised herself that she'd be professional and disconnected, she couldn't help but giggle. He was actually pretending that they were having a meeting!

She took a look at the catalogs and flipped through them. "Do you have a price list for these items?" she asked avoiding looking at his eyes. She knew if she did, she'd lose all power. It was obvious that she had control of the whole situation while he sat nervously, hoping to win her over.

"I don't want to take too much of your time here since I know you're busy but I wanted to make sure that you get the price list and you'll find it in the last page of the catalogue. Thank you for seeing me and I hope you can get back to me with your decision but please take your time before you do." He slowly stood up with a weight on his shoulders and his head held low, he turned around and walked out.

She'd seen him glimpse at her from the corner of his eyes and his familiarity came back to her even though she still felt strong. Just when he was completely out of site, her colleague came into her office and asked "Who was that?".

"One of the companies that we asked quotations from," she answered still staring at the door.

"Really? He's cute. Did you get his name?" she asked.

"No. He didn't have his business card with him. Guess he forgot." she answered pretending to be looking at the papers on her desk.

"Oh, too bad. That's always you're problem. You're so busy working away that you don't notice anything. I really think he was cute and you should find out if he's married or not."

She wanted to kill the girl! She suddenly remembered him saying to check the price list and now wanted this colleague out of her office.

"I really have to finish what I'm doing before work is over, did you need anything?" she asked innocently.

"No but I just want you to know that if you continue with this attitude, you're never going to get married, " she said frankly as she walked out the door.

She ignored her colleagues stupid comment as she took a deep breath and flipped to the last page of the catalogue. There it was, the light blue piece of paper that he was trying to show her on that disaster day.

It was an official paper that she hadn't seen before. It had the official Kuwait sign stamp and was definately authentic. She slowly began to read what it said.

She closed the catalogue and packed her stuff to go home. She needed to sit down with herself and figure out what she was feeling.

As she walked up to her car, she noticed the red rose that was tucked away under the wipers of her car. She picked it up and read the note attached to it. "Now that you've seen the price list, am I worth it? Love you always, Me."

To be continued..