Journal of a Single Gal in Q8 - Episode Three

From last episode

""Sounds like you had a miserable time. Serves you right!" he said, trying to sound cruel but she could tell he was hurt. She hadn't denied his first accusation.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This was not going to be easy to get out of."

If only things weren't so complicated between them. She knew that his intentions were good but things weren't that simple. She felt confused.

"I'm sorry but you can't blame a girl for looking out for her best interest" she told him reluctantly. Even though she herself wasn't even sure what was in her best interest!

"Stop confusing yourself. You know very well that we were made for each other and I can't imagine this life without you!" His voice suddenly became a whisper as he asked "Come on, let's get out of here. Have you thought about it?"

She knew exactly what he was talking about.

"I can't imagine myself getting married and moving to the States. I don't want to. My family is here. My friends are here. I can't just leave this place. It's my home." There were times that she'd complain about certain things but not to the extent of leaving!

"Why not?" he asked. "Kuwait's not the way it used to be. It's not secure. Things have changed. It's the haves and have nots. Don't you at least want to try..Land of Opportunity"? He was talking so fast now..

"First of all, no where in the world is secure, second Kuwait is booming right now. Business is good. I mean look at the oil prices for heaven's sake. Besides, I'm too scared of hurricanes, tornadoes and all those weather issues they have!" she replied.

This was typical of them. What would start as a personal issue almost always ended up being about other worldly issues. That was one of things she liked about him. Even though they disagreed about certain issues, the debate was always fun. He appreciated her internally rather than just externally.

Things weren't always like this. She remembered one of the poems she'd written on a very lonely night after another unpleasant experience. Her expectations of men had yet again hit rock bottom.

King of Beasts:

My gender is not one of opinion
Only beauty and a marked civilian

A man’s toy placed down the hall
To be at his own beck and call

Neither education nor wisdom they say
Only ones beauty and the role they play
The predator will seek his everlasting prey
And conquer he shall with no delay

So what differs us humans from animals
No longer so strange to think us cannibals

Searching as hounds for the smell of prey
No minds to use, nor intelligence or brains

So can you turn back the years, if you please
Take away my thoughts, my mind, my beliefs
And hand me over to a King of Beasts
To bare him his cubs and never have dreams...

Whenever she conversed with men and they would look at her as a mere object of desire, she'd remember that poem. Their arrogance would infuriate her. If that weren't enough, they loved to constantly challenge her and she was sick and tired of playing games.

She was looking for the man who wanted to grow old with her and would take care of her. It was "you and I against the whole world" rather than "you and I against each other". She reckoned it fell under maturity and a mature man was hard to find.

It was getting late and she needed to wake up early the next day. The thought of diving in the sea early in the morning was already cheering her up. She was planning to go early to avoid the crowds at the club.

Thanks to Palm's greed of making sure they had enough members, the club had turned into a circus lately, especially late afternoon on a Friday. She had to make sure she went early and left early to avoid the circus.

The next morning as she parked outside Starbuck's at the Palms, she suddenlyrealizedd that she'd been followed. She was so lost in thought throughout the whole drive that she hadn't evenrealizedd till now. She looked up in her rear view mirror and saw him get out of his car and head straight towards her....

To be continued....

Journal of a Single Gal in Q8....Episode Two

From last episode:

"Time past and she had to admit the music was great. Just the perfect amount of both English and Arabic hits, the way she always preffered it. Then, just when she thought that she simply was too bored to stay another minute the door opened and a large group of people walked in."

It was dark so she couldn't get a good look at their faces but one thing was for sure, they weren't the average people she was used to seeing. It was a group of approximately twenty people of both men and women. At least that's what she could tell.

There was a particular guy who seemed the most popular of the group and the only way she could describe was that he was pretty. Not handsome but pretty. He had pitch black hair, soft skin, big eyes and thick lips. She couldn't help but stare at him. It wasn't that she found him attractive but she hadn't seen a pretty man in a long time.

"Oh look, there's an Elvis impersonator!" said her friend distracting her from her chain of thoughts. She turned to see who she was looking at and sure enough there he was a man dressed just like Elvis with the white jacket and the collar up. This party was taking a strange twist. She knew he was pretending not to notice her stare. It was typical of a man his age to try to stay away from the girls that looked like they would somehow know who he was. It was obvious he preffered not to be recognized. Little did he know that it was the least of her concern.

Just then the music changed and Nancy Ajram was singing. Everybody suddenly turned to the pretty boy who smiled as he headed towards the dance floor. It was then that it dawned on her. The birthday girl rushed to his side carrying what looked like a belly dancing scarf and tide it around his hip and his tight jeans as he began to belly dance like no other belly dancer she had ever seen. Everytime Nancy Ajram sang "Habeebi arab" he'd turn to the people sitting and gesture with his hands "come to me." It was only when she felt her mouth so dry that she realised that she'd been gaping throughout the whole dance. The man was as gay as gay can be.

After her shock was finally subsiding, she knew that this place was no place for her and when her friend finally said "Ready when you are" she was out of there in a flash.

She knew she'd wasted her time going there and a good book would've been much preffered but the last thing she needed was to beat herself about it. As much as she tried not to think about what she'd seen or to over analyze the whole situation she couldn't help but think of what the world had come to. It wasn't that she hadn't had gay friends before, on the contrary they were the perfect "girlfriends" without the jealousy. But this, this was too much. Not to mention that the proof was in the pudding regarding her single life; married, gay or had the worse case of committment phoebia (the worst type!) This was not how she wanted her final thoughts on her weekend to end.

Feeling so down, she decided to call the equivalent of her Mr. Big. She knew that he'd probably be sleeping by now but she needed that little something to cheer her up.

"Hello" she heard his voice and she immediately began to feel better.

"Hi, it's me. Are you asleep?" she asked.

"Yes, what time is it?" he mumbled.

"It's late. Sorry I woke you." She wasn't really but said it anyway.

"Did you just get home? I can't believe you were out this late. You know you shouldn't drive around Kuwait this late!"

By the tone of his voice, she knew he was slowly waking up and was irritated.

"I wasn't driving alone, my friend dropped me off and by the way, times have changed. All the streets were full on our way home. It's not like before. Besides Kuwait is as safe as you're gonna get. It's not like I'm driving in the States."

"If we were in the States, I would've gone with you to the party but you wanted to go alone just in case you get the chance to meet someone new!" he blurted.

She hated the fact that he knew her so well. She had to find something to change the subject.

"Anyway, the place was full of gays and I would've had to protect you from all of them" she attempted at humour.

"Sounds like you had a miserable time. Serves you right!" he said, trying to sound cruel but she could tell he was hurt. She hadn't denied his first accusation.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. This was not going to be easy to get out of.

To be continued...

Journal of a Single Gal in Q8....Episode One

As she began to dress up for the party that night, she realised that the day hadn't turned out that bad. She'd gone to Shadows to have a blow dry for the heck of it, (she needed to feel better about herself) then drove to Gallery 2000 and got her nails done. The good news was Lolita came along too and they had their normal boy talk. "Something's gotta give" she said "Being in a dead end relationship sucks, but it's nice when they know you and understand you. I just can't be bothered to start all over again, you know what I mean?" Yeah, yeah, she knew what she meant. Although she listened to the same old story, it was just nice to be able to talk to her after having had a night of depression. Afterwards, they did what all women do when feeling down, they shopped and soon they were all smiles, hugging each other good bye in the parking lot. "Take care, this was fun!" she said as she waved to Lolitta and drove off with a feeling of gratitude for having friends around her.

Taking a final look in the mirror after she had dressed up, she thought to herself "Hey...not bad". She had on her favourite party look; the black top, black pants and her favourite studded high-heel sandals. Though she'd been trying to get back some color in her wardbrode, she always felt best when she wore black.

Lost in deep thought she sprayed on her mix of arabic and French perfume. She loved the combination as though it represented who she was. She knew going down the road of parties was a dead end but she just had to break the routine. It wasn't like she thought she'd bump into her perfect match, she'd given up hoping on that for a long time but she told herself "at least it was something to do to break the routine." Afterall, it was Thursday night and her options were limited; everywhere else was going to be too crowded and going out for dinner was going to involve more food. She'd done enough aerobics that week to know better than to pig out and cheat on her diet. No, the party seemed the best option. Besides, it was a birthday party and she always liked birthday parties.

She gave one last smile to the mirror, grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Her friend was picking her up, she hated driving on weekends.

As they walked into the party, the dreaded feeling came back to her. Although she knew that there wasn't going to be anything that special about that night but deep down she always wished there would be. The whole place was empty except for the birthday girl. She gave her the gift and made a mental note to herself, leaving was going to be hard. How was she to leave the place if nobody else shows up, she just wouldn't have the heart to leave. What would she say "sorry your party sucks". It was unthinkable and not in her nature. She looked around to say hello to the birthday girl's husband but he was no where to be seen.

The place looked interesting in a rather funny way. She kept wondering where she'd seen a place similar to it then it finally dawned on her, the Budda Bar she'd seen in Lebanon. Red carpet, dimmed lights, red carpeted walls! She laughed to herself and said "Dorothy, we're not in Kuwait anymore!"

The place was supposed to look French but they somehow couldn't pull it off.

She grabbed the nearest table next to the door and sat with her friend to begin the gossip session. She gestured to the table cloth "Check it out, it's tiger table cloth!" Then took a deep breath and sighed. This was going to be a long night!

Time past and she had to admit the music was great. Just the perfect amount of both English and Arabic hits, the way she always preffered it. Then, just when she thought that she simply was too bored to stay another minute the door opened and a large group of people walked in..

To be continued....

Driving One Self Nuts...

10 Reasons I'm depressed:

(1) It's Wednesday night...I'm too exhausted to go out...I'm facing a box called a computer and the only thing that made me smile is a comment given to me by a complete stranger on my post...that's sad man!

(2) Looked out the window and saw the moon...the moon looked depressed too...(spooked myself out...why is it suddenly looking so close to earth...getting worse case scenario thoughts..not good...)

(3) Donated blood today..yeah a good thing..but that's what caused me to be exhausted in the first place...how stupid to donate blood on a bloody Fricken Wednesday...what were you bloody thinking!

(4) House is too quite...parents out of town....I'm talking to a machine here...why am I not out! How stupid is that?!!

(5) It's September in a few days:
(a) refer to my other post about weddings and September
(b) schools begin:
(i)the bloody zahma in the morning...
(ii)the headmaster of the school infront the house does his morning screaming ritual..."inta ya walad..ogaf be al 9aoor..yalla...ebsur3a!"...and I have to listen to him every morning for the next 9 months until next summer!

(6) Winter will be here soon..every time it'll rain..I'll be worried that I'll drown 'coz I never got over the November 1998 experience...lost control of my car as it turned into a boat..hate driving when it rains...need therapy to get over my fear!

(7) Year's nearly over...didn't learn french..didn't learn how to play a guitar or a piano..all promises made at the begining of the year...down the drane!

(8) It's a weekend and I'm sleeping early...sucks major!

(9) Distracted myself by watching "Crossinng Jordan" and the accused guy in the show who bombed a building was a saudi...first the bad guys were always russians..now it's always us!

(10) I'm getting obsessed with this blogging business and i definatly need therapy for this!

Note to self:

(1) Don't donate blood if it's gonna get you depressed..the point was to do something good...Hello!...bitching about it defies the whole purpose!?

(2) Don't worry about the moon...if it's dooms day..then it's meant to be...

(3) Don't over analyze TV shows...they're just shows!

(4) Don't keep checking who commented on your post..it's getting worrisome...learn to check for comments occasionally...i.e. the next day...not every five seconds!
Honestly..get a grip!

You've Been Tagged!

Thanks to Samboose..I've been tagged.can't wait to read everybody else's...!

So here are my answers...

10 years ago: Career.(looking to make lots of money)..it was good...personal life...very exciting...

5 years ago: Moved careers...(decided there's more to it than money)...good decision...personal life...complicated...

1 year ago: Went to Arizona to visit my neices...saw their college lives..missed my old days at college..Career...Perfect...finally found my calling ...Personal life...back to fun with a vengeance...!

Tomorrow: Aerobics in the morning...Going out for lunch...invited to a birthday party...(looking forward to some excitement to break the monotony!)

5 snacks I enjoy: banak, chips, popcorn, hot dogs (is that considered a snack!)..madri...and french fries...my ultimate favourite and I miss it with this lousy diet crap!

5 bands/artists that I know the lyrics to most of their songs: Bo Baker Salem (old..I know!), madonna, Tanya Tucker, shirley basset, Frank Sinatra, .(Good God..old or what...do some of you even know these people!)...gubar!

5 things I'd do with $100,000,000: Buy an island (if that's enough), buy a building and rent it out to people to keep the money coming, quit my job, go on a shopping spree and buy gifts for the whole family and finally create my own business and recruit all the people I met who asked for my help..

5 locations I'd like to run away to: Gulf Road by Fridays, Mamsha at the scientific center, Lebanon, Sedona and Nice

5 bad habits I have: Do I have to!!! Ok..here goes...smoking (I know..I know...aaah!), over analyse, over sensitive, impatient and finally over friendly (ok..this might not be a bad habit but in Kuwait it is...gets me in trouble everytime..(I really hate that one!)

5 things I like doing: Dancing, yoga, meditation, reading and bonding with friends

5 thing I will never wear: tatoo, men's dishdasha...;)...a bad attitude, something that everybody else is wearing, material made out of pig's skin..(eshdaranii!!!)

5 TV shows I like: Sex and the city, Friends, Boston Public, Ramadhan shows (you know the ones that make you cry) and...Little House on the Prairie (and if you happen to remember that...good God..welcome to my world of the golden olden days!).

5 movies I like: Grease, Sound of Music, Fame, The Slipper and the Rose and Shakespear in Love

5 people I'd like to meet: My future husband (for sure!), Saddam Hussein so I can atfil eb wayha, Mel Gibson...aboosa, Maddona and inshallah one day...my future children...

5 biggest joys at the moment: Love of my family, my health, my friends, meeting cool bloggers and looking forward to the weekend!

5 favorite toys: Mobile, remote control of my TV, my PC, scrabble..(would that be considered a toy??) and my stereo system at home..

That was it??....I have no idea if I did this whole thing right...let's hope so...let me know....

Well, to keep this going..I'm gonna tag some people and hopefully they won't have been tagged before...here goes...a3sab, temetwir, charisma, KuwaitiLady, equalizer and last but not least Spontaneoussity...(is that how you spell it..well..you know what I mean!)

Love Actually...

Inspired by various posts on various blogs..I decided to attempt at tackling the one subject that affects all types of life...the old, the young, the strong, the weak...there is no escape...it is always there lurking in the distance..waiting to strike...yes...Let's talk about love...

In my attempt to understand this so great a subject..I've read enough books to start a library...the latest book I'd read was recommended to me by a source who said I needed to read it..it took forever to find the book but low and behold..it was now in my hands...the book was simply called "How to Love and Be Loved" written by a Dr. Paul Hauk...his analysis in the book was that we basically fall in love with the criteria that we set out for ourselves...i.e. if a woman needed money..she fell in love with a rich man..if a man needed physical satisfaction..he fell in love with a Marlyn Monroe type...in other words...we plan love rather than it suddenly happening...any other type of love was called Love Disorder...when one falls with the wrong type and suffers..that..to him...is not love..

Half way through the book...coincidently...Oprah had a show about love..she brought in an expert that was "the best expert on this subject"..his book was "Keeping the Love you Find" his name...Dr. Harville Hendrix...it was an old episode..I had already read the book and recalled his analysis...it was completely the opposite of Dr. Hauk!...He saw love as being theraputical if done properly....i.e. As a child..if you were critisized...you most likely will fall in love with someone who critisizes you...your subconcious will create the attraction between you so that you can heal past tramas...another example was...if a child was very introverted..he would fall in love with an extrovert...and though they would continuously fight about their different ways...they were actually meant to learn from each other...If the child had an alcoholic parent...he will fall in love with an alcoholic..if the mother was very demanding..the child would grow to fall in love with demanding woman...and the pattern continues until both people in the relationship are able to heal past wounds caused during childhood...Women in particular who suffer from low self esteem are the ones that find themselves in the worst relationships...if she was neglected as a child..she would fall in love with the aloof type..the type that would not give her the attention she had originally needed as a child..Dr. Hendrix explains that until there's a relationship were both people want to make an effort to fix themselves...while loving each other...can a healthy relationship finally arise...

Here are two completely different theories both written by Doctors who claim to be experts at the subject...both interviewed thousands and thousands of couples...and both believe they are right....

The question remains...why are we attracted to certain people and not others...is chemistry simply a message from our subconcious..do we not have a say in the matter...are we able to control who we love and who we don't?...I won't call upon Romeo and Juliet..lest I be accused of it being fictional...I will however take an example closer to home...Qais wa Laila...a reality I believe...did they chose to be in love with each other...or was it chemistry/lust?...Was his poetry for Laila..simply an exaggeration?...Was that not real love?...and if their love was doomed for whatever reasons...could they fall out of love?...Do we as humans have a choice in the matter...to fall in or out of love?

Stop The Press...

I was reading yesterday's Al-Qabas newspaper and there it was..yet again..another sorry story about a girl who graduated from "foreign" schools and how she's now divorced...blah..blah..blah...this must've been the third story I read about marital problems and "the girl had graduated from madaris ajnabiya"..shino ya3ni??

The sad thing is...I know what they're trying to say....The eyebrows go up like they know something that you don't..."laa...you graduated from foreign schools??"...you can see them picturing a life of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll!!..why do they instantly believe that the person is "raye7 feeha...or...weee min hathala"...I mean..what is that?? So we graduated from foreign schools...so what? Does that make us in anyway really different..Are we that backward to believe that education at foreign schools instantly makes us have no values versus the 7ekooma schools??..(with all due respect to those that graduated from them..)

We all know the percentage of divorce in Kuwait is high...must the press presume that they know why?!!! Although foreign schools have been popping up all around Kuwait...at the end of the day...we're still not that many...so why is the assumption of being "graduated from foreign schools" the justification of the divorce rate!

Are we always the ones to blame for everything?...worse...Are we forever to feel as though we ourselves are foreign in our own country?!

Just Shoot Me!

Brace yourself ladies...it's the wedding season next month...basically means buying yourself a dress that costs an arm and leg...probably to be worn once..when you could've bought a bunch of other things you really needed..and you know you have to go...'coz you just couldn't take another lecture from your Mom that you're anti-social...then of course there's you walking in saying hello and mabrook to a bunch of ladies that you've never met...finally grabbing a seat and finding just one person there that you know..and for tonight they're gonna end up being your best friend 'coz you gotta kill the time...you hear through the grapevine that the bride won't be coming out for another hour...you yawn and look at the time...don't they know I have work tomorrow...or worse...don't these people work!! So you decide to make your Mom happy by finally getting up to dance...that way if you say you'd like to go home..she'll be too happy that you danced to give you a hard time...so you ask your new best friend if she'd like to join you..."laaa...sorry...I don't dance at weddings"...then you wonder to yourself...ok...Where do you dance then?...but you keep your mouth shut 'coz in reality...what's it to you....You finally get up and dance...going up and down the cat walk..when realize you recognize some of the girls...Great..so you all end going up and down together..naturally you have a conversation while doing so about who the chick with the nice dress is...suddenly you're gossiping away and it's no longer about the dance...and just then...when you're just about to admit that things aren't that bad...the bride's about to walk in...you rush back to your chair and tell yourself...I'm not gonna get a lump in my throat this time..I won't be emotional..I'm not gonna cry..I'm gonna be fine...then she walks in and of course...the music...she looks happy..you get the lump and feel pathetic..but then you remember that your Mom said the groom was 40 and she looks like she's barely 18..and you notice her bouquet shaking 'coz she's shivering so much and looks scared to death...you of course are no longer tearful but angry..you start imagining how it's gonna be rape that night..by then you just wanna leave...and know that the groom's not gonna show for another hour...so you ask yourself...should you make a run for it...you turn to break the news to your Mom...she's enjoying herself too much so she smiles and says goodbye to you and you're suddenly excited that you're about to be scot free...you slip out of the hall and head straight to the parking lot...your shoes are killing You...you look around to make sure nobody's looking and you take them off and head to look for the driver who's no where to be seen...finally you spot him...and you're walking towards the car...but to your horror right infront of you is the groom with his entire entourage and you're standing barefoot looking like an idiot...you look down hoping they'd think you were at a different wedding...rush to the car and throw yourself on the seat feeling totally stupid...you reach home and can't sleep 'coz you can't get the whole scene out of your head...A week passes and you're finally feeling better when the doorbell rings...You hear your Mom's excited voice..Oh..guess who's getting married..she says...the wedding is next Tuesday!..You throw yourself on the bed...cover your face with the pillow and moan...I hate Septembers..just shoot me..!

Love..Kuwaiti Style..Part II

In a city like Kuwait where dating services are non existant, putting an ad in the papers is too pathetic and the closest you'll get to meeting a guy is him following you in his fancy car..only to yell at you "E'7thi el rakam"...whereby crossing the line of romance to horror..and the thought of an arranged marriage reminds you of Julia Roberts movie "Sleeping With The Enemy"...(imagining yourself walking down the aisle suddenly makes you want to throw up)....how does a single girl meet her Mr. Right?..With a busy schedule between rushing to work..going to aerobics..then relaxing at home because you're too exhausted to go out....Could blogging be the answer?...Have you ever imagined what other bloggers look like?

Having worked at a job that requires setting up meetings by telephone with total strangers..I've often wondered what they looked like in person before I get to meet them...most of the time...I get it all wrong!...The men with the deep voices sound like a tall, goodlooking, well built man...only to turn out to be short and petite...the men that sounded sophisticated on the phone...almost always turned out to be nerds and comletely uncool...So when it comes to voices...I never could pin point what they looked like...

As for blogging, I have to say that I've encountered some wonderful people (both men and women) who may have been my best friends in the real world...but I wonder...if I met them in person...would I feel the same way...if I was shopping and they past right by me...would they look like they could be my friends...or would they be the type that I sturr away from..

So the question is this...Could you tell what a blogger looks like by his post??..or is this stone best left unturned??

Love...Kuwaiti Style....

I never thought the day would come that I'd admit that I'm scared of Kuwaiti men...there...I've said it...I'm afraid of them...though many a day...I would dress up and go out hoping to meet a nice goodlooking, intelligent man...I know that deep down it won't happen because I'm subconsciously making it not happen due to my fear...and if it does happen...a conversation or two..I'll find myself giving excuses why this person would be wrong for me...Now I know it's not fair to generalize..and there are some nice guys out there...but still...I'm afraid of them...

Sometimes it's the terms of endearment that they use that scares me...maybe if you're so in love..it may sound cute...but in reality....does A7ibich ya 7emara really turn you on? Or...9ayra 7ilwa wiya wayhich....or....a7acheech..tarra ana abeeech....they all sound pretty aggressive for a romantic evening...don't you think?

Maybe I'm too romantic...but the above just doesn't do it for me...and I don't see why I should accept it as the status quo...not to mention that the aggressiveness in the speech gives me the inclination that they're into S&M's or something!!

I remember back in the days when I was studying in the States..one of my Kuwaiti male friends was dating a beautiful American model...she was gorgeous...the sad part was...she used to come to me and ask..."Why does he do this to me"...he'd given her a black eye..but she was so into him that she'd take his crap....Weirdly enough..to me....he was one of the nicest guys there..and was always polite...was he trying to fool me??...I just couldn't understand this side of him....was he secretly that sadistic...and because I was from back home...he just wouldn't show it??

Then of course there are the married women around who'd tell me...you have to accept things as they are...our society expects men to hang out at diwaniyas or even spend the weekends at the challet with the rabi3...while she's downtown on her own taking care of the kids...then what's the point of getting married...is it really about kids only?

And how come I don't see that happening with my parents...how come they socialized together all their lives with friends...is it just our generation that's gone back to its roots...or where my parents and their friends the rare ones out there in the first place?

It would be a nice idea to think that maybe I will one day find the diamond in the ruff...but the more I hear...the more scared I get...

I don't want my most romantic moment to be a7ibich ya 7emara...or him calling me from the diwaniya telling me he's late saying.."ya kalba lich wa7sha...wiya wayhich"....when did romance get so ugly anyway!!??

The thought tires me out...so I think I'll just go back to my romantic novel and dream of a Mr. Right that's so in love with me...going to the diwaniya would be the last thing on his mind...and when he says I love you...it's...a7ibich ya ba3ad 3omri...and none of this ya 7emara crap...thank you very much!

PAALEEEEEZE....life's too short to accept being called a 7emara by the love of your life....and until I miraculously get over my fear...I'm sticking to my imaginary Mr. Right till death do us part...

For Gaza....

My Dear Palestine..

Decades have past but how have you been
Suffering still..I can see from within
My apologies my dear for not asking before
I had long forgotten what the fighting was for
My memory blocked from hurt and grief
But that is in the past so I shall be brief
You ask about the Arab World today?
Must I reply? For it kills me to say
Our leaders grown weary, some have past away
Still eating each other, more and more everyday
But please don't despair, my dear Palestine
It is the Age of Aquarius that does now shine
The age of identities; where groups shall fight
For a cause that is pure and will see the light
So be patient my dear for the end is near
The voice of the people you shall now hear
Coming together with hunger in our eyes
Demanding your freedom we will now rise
An Arab Nation once and for all
United we stand, divided we fall

OBL

Check out these matchboxes being distriputed in "neighbouring" countries..a 5 Million Dollar Reward for the capture of OBL (stands for Osama Bin Laden...or Only Bombing Life..or...Often Bugs Liberators...or my favorite...Offff Basss Lawa3t chabdi!...hey got any of yours? I'm interested to hear..)

In the meantime, would you light your ciragerettes with these matchboxes? I personally wouldn't!

My Fellow Bloggers....

The other day I was watching an old movie called "Corrina Corrina" starring Whoopi Goldberg...it was a cute movie but what I really liked was the music..at the end of the movie there was fabulous song that I ended up getting and heard it on my way back from work yesterday...it's a powerful song and as it was blasting away in my car..the first thought that crossed my mind was you...my fellow bloggers...the title of the song is "This little light of mine...I'm gonna make it shine...make it shine..make it shine"..(it's got a gospel tone to it)...Anyway...the reason I thought of you my blogger is exactly that...this is what's happening...everytime you pass my blog you let your light shine..and everytime you post a post..you're letting your light shine...I got so into the song that my eyes teared up..(ok..I'm sensitive like that..I know..pretty pathetic..but I get carried away)..but it was nice...I've only been blogging for a short while but I just sensed this feeling of bondness with some bloggers that blew me away..their passion..their friendliness...their thoughts..their honesty...so...."this little light of mine...I'm gonna make it shine"...EVERYBODY...SING WITH ME NOW...."This little light of mine..I'm gonna make it shine..make it shine..make it shine"..thanks for making your light shine with mine....

Magic Anyone??

In a past post of mine "shidee 7ailich"...I spoke about how it upsets me when people say that to me as soon as they know I'm single...I really thought that comment was the cherry on top..but guess what...there's a new one that just topped it off...the mother of all comments...I bumped into an old colleague of mine and he asked if I got married so I blushed and said "no..Allah kareem"...my usual answer...and guess what he said to me..."akeed intay emsaweenlich 3amal"...Good God..wasn't "Shidee 7ailich" enough..now they want me to walk around thinking I have enemies who don't have anything better to do than to make magic and make sure that little old me would never get married...Ok...besides this aggravating me...here's the real question...if marriage is "naseeb"...can a 3amal change your naseeb?...in other words...is magic so powerful enough to let your "naseeb" never come??..ofcourse this leads to a million and other questions but for now...I'd love to hear your comments...what do you think?

Dear Embryo...(3azeezi al janeen)

Dear embryo…I am sure you feel safe
Knowing you have nine months of this
Total bliss
I am here to tell you of what you might be
When you are finally born…your destiny
Your creator has already decided you see
But this is just a brief of the possibility
Here is a word you will hear constantly
That will categorize you in definitely
Regardless of what you feel emotionally
And the word here is your nationality...


If you are born belonging to a Gulf Council Country
Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Bahrain, UAE or Saudi
You may consider yourself blessed or lucky
Due to the black gold that brings in the money
Different nationalities will live in your community
Having left their homes on the hopes to make money
Some will be doctors or maids or engineers possibly
Trying to make a better living for their family
While you meet all these people as you grow old
Remember this advice that you were once told
Simply because you just happen to hold
A passport belonging to the owners of black gold


Will not give you the right to treat with unfairness
Being in their shoes is a thought that is not pointless
As an embryo you must always remember this
After all you could end up being something else
For example you may ultimately turn out to be
An educated Arab with a different nationality
And even if you happen to be a scientist with a Ph.D.
You'll always be second best if you lived in the GCC
Your country may in fact actually hold
One of the great Seven Wonders of the World
But sadly your history rich with culture and old
Will not save you the agony of being treated cold


Worse still, you may be an Arab but actually stateless
Graduated from Stanford or Harvard it would be regardless
You will probably have an IQ that is the highest of intelligence
But since you are stateless means nobody cares less
On the other hand you may end up being from an Arab state
But due to politics you will somehow be forced to hibernate
You will turn to foreign countries that call themselves great
As you struggle to belong to a completely different fate
If you end up being born to the western world
These struggles that I have mentioned may never be known
You will live your day to day life with the worry
Of trying to make as much as you can of money


You may decide to actually live in a GCC country
And as a western expatriate you will paid double your salary
Your qualifications may not necessarily be
Any better than the average person from GCC
However due to your western nationality
This will give you a much better opportunity
You may wonder then what is my nationality
I must tell you that I feel I belong to only me
For within those that I have mentioned you see
I am connected to them all universally
Oh dear is that a miscarriage I see
Wait! Please don't misunderstand me
I may have been talking sarcastically
For life can also be lived beautifully
With or without the burden of nationality!

McDonalds and Bidoons

I'm very angry at the world today...While having grown up with the luxuries of life (al-hamdulla)...our daily issues are based on a thing or two of mostly no significance...yet..to us they are problems..until of course I'm having a massage...the Filipino lady would tell me her sad stories..."Madaaaaam...you know my owner....she didn't pay my salary this month..Maddaaam...what shall I do?"..then of course there's the Indian lady plucking my eyebrows telling me that she didn't travel this year to visit her family because she didn't make enough money this year...the sad stories never end...but somehow wherever I went..there were people servicing me and telling me their sad stories)...I always enjoyed lending an ear to listen to them...somehow feeling that I could cheer them up....I also later would feel silly about any problem that I was over analyzing about and felt that it was a sign...these people had major problems..my problems where petty compared to theirs...

But later...when fate played a role and I heard another problem..that's when I began to get angry...

A few years back I was working for an American media company and they'd asked me to hire a temp to work as a "mandoob/driver"....while recruiting..I met a young boy who was desperately looking for a job...we later hired him since he fit the bill..and as his boss I evaluated him as a polite, hard working, mature and intelligent...he was..basically...street wise...By the time the company decided to move out of Kuwait..we became good friends and I decided to adopt him as my younger brother...his struggles in life were many...but the harshest was that he was a Bidoon...( did you ever stop to think of what that word really means...ya3ni in English it means without..he's just without!)....

After leaving the company the only people that would hire him were McDonald's...another American company...he would always tell me entertaining stories about his life at McDonald's...how some Kuwaiti customers would go up to him and tell him how they were so proud of him to be working there thinking that he was Kuwaiti...he'd never burst their bubble and tell them that he wasn't and that he was actually Bidoon...he'd just smile and tell them thank you....

As days went by, I found myself wanting so much to help him...so I decided to ask every single person that I know if they could find him a job...I typed his resume for him and added whatever experience he had and forwarded to my mailing list...knowing that there must be somebody out there who'd want to help such a decent and honest person as him....Afterall...we were all getting good salaries...surely somebody could afford paying him a decent one...

Here's where my anger kicks in...nobody came through...Mind you, they all said..."laaa...harram..miskeen"...but from all of them out there....not one came back with something....I became so desperate to help that the other day I actually asked an acquaintance who owns a very large cooperation if he needed a mandoob and he answered very politely..."I'm sorry....I have an Egyptian Mandoob who has a masters degree...could he beat that?"...I knew he couldn't...but it still made me angry...

So my friend now still works at McDonald's delivering service with a smile....aint it sad that it had to be an American Company...not that I have anything against them....but why?...Why does it have to be an American Company that is the humanitarian one...why can't it be us...why do we suddenly deny those that speak our language and live within us as though it's not our problem...or worse that it was their fault....my bidoon friend even has Kuwaiti cousins...how ironic...

Coincidently, the other day I got a message from him telling me to check out one of the newspapers 'coz he was in it...the article was about these young boys working at McDonald's..I was so excited to read about it..and as I read and read...there was absolutely no mention of him being bidoon...the reader was to presume that he was Kuwaiti....my blood boiled...why didn't they say the truth...I threw the newspaper and decided to go meditate...my anger was intolerable..

In the end, I feel better having meditated...and happy to live a life of luxury..but unless I get to own my own company to ensure that I find this kid a job I won't feel complete..and worse still I have to humbly say....hats off to you McDonald's...as usual...you're the winner and we're the losers...

Never Trust a Prostitute or a Pimp...

Ok...I don't mean to dish men out everytime I write...and as one artist pointed out...they're not all bad...but I was recently catching up with a very nice friend of mine...she'd gotten married when we were in high school together and basically we'd lost touch over the years...(she was married..I was single...that's what usually happens)...anyway...the sad story goes...is that she'd went searching for me because she needed some advise....she was depressed...sad...upset...you name it...and what was her problem you may ask...her husband of 20 years had recently gotten married to a young girl...and I prefer not to mention what nationality this girl was from...but let's just say from the unfortunate ones...ya3ni itzawaj 3alaiha basically and the excuse was that she was a poor girl that needed him...(whatever!)...My friend informed me that she'd heard through the grapevine that the girl was actually a really "bad" girl...actually the word she used was a prostitute and that she'd been planning to land herself a rich Kuwaiti husband....(as if it's that easy...we plan all the time...and it's not like it happens!...again...whatever!)...So anyway...my friend mentioned that wife number two had friends in her business and they were Kuwaiti girls and that they'd called up my friend and told her "not to worry...we're very upset at her and we're going to tell your husband that his wife number two is actually a "professional"...my advise to my friend was to stay away from these girls because if there's something I know is a saying I heard and that is "Never trust a prostitute or a pimp"! I knew my friend was desperate but it was true...how where we to know if this friend of wife number two was just jealous and was planning to take the husband in the first place...right?? What killed me in the process was her putting all the blame on wife number two...now give me a break...was the husband so stupid or not mentally stable that he didn't know what he was doing...why is it that we women always tend to blame the other women rather than the man who took the decision...this I'll never get!!!...The guy is old enough...educated enough...smart enough to have made business transactions that made him rich...and now suddenly...he's lost his brains and she "gasat 3alaih????"...in other words...it's not his fault????...(I tell you...I thought I had problems...and wanting to get married and all...but what a mess...)...Single life seems like paradise compared to this....the only advise I could give her was to find ways to higher her self-esteem...i.e. go to the gym...get a hobby...start a business of your own...get creative...I know it's never easy for a woman...but at the end of the day...should our lives be over?...I don't think so..I told her that sadly this happens in Kuwait all the time...I mean the other day I was reading I believe Al-Rai El 3am and they had a story about a woman asking for advise too...she was an English Language teacher...and one day the father of a student came to tell her that he liked her teaching methods....one thing led to another...they got married...then two years later...his brothers told him that he should go back to his first wife and kids..and so he left wife number two and went back to his originally family...the teacher wanted advise on what to do?....I say honey...bad karma brings bad karma...get with the program girl...pick yourself up and move on...she'd lucky that she didn't get any kids from him! Anyway...back to my friend...I gave my advise...hopeing it was the right thing to say...of course when I told her about the article in the paper...she cheered up because she hoped her husband would do the same...except...wife number two was clever enough to have already gotten a kid from him...and now there's a package to worry about...there's just way too many things one can say about this whole scenario...but for now...I'll leave it to you my dear reader to figure it out...as for me...well..let's just say I have a whole new appreciation to my single life...as they say....ga3da bait ahalich em3azaza we emkarama...why would I want to step into a world that with one mistake...I get to be the "forgotten one" and worry about what wife number two looks like...where she comes from and what does she have that I don't have....talk about wasted energy....oh...and about men...well...my only wish is that they'd once and for all figure out what it feels like when they do that to their wives...maybe one day the wheels will turn and we'll live in a world when a woman can have more than one husband...and I wonder then what the men would feel..now that's a interesting scenario to contemplate on....in the meantime....I suppose today I'll spend it celebrating my singlehood and just keep giving advise like I know it all....as if!!!!!

Shiddee 7ailich?

Everytime I remember that the summer is over..I kinda cringe...oh my God...back to the same old routine...work...work..work...and if you can manage a few nice outings with friends...but the hardest part is having to face my parent's parties...it's not that they're boring...it's just the pressure of it all...I'll never forget the time when my mother was introducing my sisters and I to this lady standing at the door..."This is daughter number one...she is married to so and so and has four kids...And this is daughter number two...she is married to so and so and she has three kids...and this is daughter number three...(blank...no comment...)"....naturally...I felt insulted...don't I get any credit for anything...so I shook the lady's hand and said "I just got promoted..."...(of course my sisters understood what I was trying to say and giggled)..My poor mother also understood and she must've felt guilty because she suddenly began to brag..."yes...she also writes poetry...let me show you some of her poems!"...by then I'm rolling my eyes!....Never mind I would say!....But the worst is not yet over....The lady looks at me and says "Yalla...Shiddee 7ailich"....Can somebody please tell me what the hell does "shiddee 7ailich" mean??...I mean for heaven's sake...what am I supposed to do...you can shidde 7ailich at work...you can shidee 7ailich at sports...you can shidde 7ailich in school...but how the hell are you supposed to shiddee 7ailich and get married....it's not like it's something you can actually shiddee 7ailich doing..is it?...I mean if we go by the concept of "Naseeb" it would happen just like that...sa7?...So how am I supposed to shidd 7aily balla??...I remember recently watching the movie "Hitch" by Will Smith....there was this really cute part where a bunch of women are sitting down in front of an empty chair...then suddenly a bunch of men walk in and they each get to sit for a few minutes with each lady and talk to them to see if there's any chemistry or interest...now wouldn't that be an interesting concept if we did it in Kuwait? Can you just imagine??...Even though it's a cute idea to be able to meet men...but I just get this feeling that it wouldn't work in Kuwait....besides...the men would probably say..."well...if she was going to date me...then she might also date somebody else too"...and blah..blah...blah...I'm telling you there's just no winning here! Bottom line if I hear another hair raising "Shiddee 7alich"...I'm gonna throw up...Unless someone tells me exactly how does a girl "Shid 7ailha"...I plan to block the whole comment out of my head...oh...and by the way...if it means going out more and socializing...paleeeze....you tell me where do 30 something guys go around here?? And I'm not talking about the ones just looking out for a good time...I'm talking about those looking for someone to grow old with...they definitely aren't out at the parties still reliving their pathetic teenage lives...nor are they at Marina Mall or at Starbucks Sal7iya...trust me...these are the ones that you'd wanna stay away from 'coz they most likely already have a package at home...and who needs that complication thank you very much! Again...I repeat....if you're a married person...please don't tell a single person to Shidee 7ailhom...unless you plan to fix them up with someone...do us all a favor and keep that comment to yourself...that way we can all live happily ever after with you instead of hating your guts for getting on our nerves! Shiddee 7ailich!...Really now...how cruel can a person be..it's like being drilled at the dentist and he suddenly hits a nerve....eewwww....that's how bad it feels...so please....do us a favor and spare us! Thank you very much!

Back to Life..A Fish Out of Water...

It's amazing what a little traveling can do to the soul...Ending up in Lebanon was the perfect anecdote to bring me back to sanity..What more can a person ask for than great weather, beautiful people and musical nights to put a smile on your face....The thing that amazes me is when I put on my jeans and a tank top...I never felt uneasy...no sleazy stares...just a look of appreciation here and there...there was a sense of freedom that I never do get to feel at home..(sadly)....Man I love Lebanon...just the place to make it ok to be an Arab without the complications of culture coming to haunt you and make you feel bad...not that I don't love my culture...I swear by it and love it...but just having the middle ground is so exhilarating...I love it! The only sad part is that feeling of being a fish out of water...how can I feel more me in Lebanon...when I'm not from there...yet feel like a fish out of water back home...I suppose the only thing to do is go to Lebanon more often!

The great news is that I also got three marriage proposals...given they were from the male hairdresser, the waiter and a complete stranger down the street...but it felt good...Ever notice how the probability of seeing a good looking guy in Lebanon is a 9 out of ten...while sadly in Kuwait its basically down to none...except that once when I was at the jabriya gas station...the guy was right behind me...I was about to get down to fill my car up...when he walked up to my car and grabbed the pump...I thought that was so sweet...but naturally I was too frozen in shock to move...he was good looking and thoughtful...he was perfect...having had no experience in these situations...I drove up to pay for the gas and left...and he was gone...just like that...no sign of him...now the one time you get to meet an Angel...he happens to have the decency to do something nice with nothing in return...DAMNNNN! I could've just killed myself...well..whoever you are...thanks...and now...come back...come back...

Oh well...until then....I'm back to life..I suppose I have my facials, massages and pedicures to make me feel better...at least we have that ladies!